


AOT: Smartest and The Strongest

by EileeRu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Beauty and the Beast parody, F/M, Parody, Priests, Song Lyrics, Song Parody, Titan Forest, Wall Maria - Freeform, Wall Rose - Freeform, Wall Sina - Freeform, mob, townspeople - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-27 18:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12086712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EileeRu/pseuds/EileeRu
Summary: Hange, a bright, intelligent yet chaotic young woman, is taken prisoner by a beast in its castle. Despite her attractive disease—her so called curiosity—she befriends the castle's enchanted staff and learns of their secrets one by one. Meanwhile, Levi, an intimidating hunter, is left with no choice but to save the frenzied maiden from the hungry beasts known as Titans.





	1. Different Is She from The Rest of Us

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all, I’m back with more ideas than ever. Gosh, I just adore LeviHan—not sure why since they’re polar ops but heck, you know what they say, opposite attracts! …. Okay, I’ll stop now. Hehe.

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Prologue

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, lived abnormal gigantic beings that were the rarest species there was. They were known as Titans. Amongst the Titans, there was a hierarchy, a special class that had the ability to shift forms. They were known as Titan Shifters. A young heir lived in an enclosed castle, barbed with traps to ward off any threats that may endanger her. One winter’s night, while the heir and her people were devouring poor unfortunate souls, a stranger appeared, dressed in a long robe of grey.

“What is an outcast doing in my castle?” The heir spoke, interrupting the feasts’ activities. 

“Lend me shelter from the bitter cold.” The stranger asked, “And I will grant you one desire.”

“Grant me?” The heir cackled at the stranger. “I am the heiress of this castle. There are no desires that I don’t already have.” 

“Clearly you are mistaken,” The stranger looked pointedly at the heir’s guests, with their mouths full of tendered limbs and bloody drools. “I’ll ask one more time. Lend me shelter from the bitter cold.”

“I will crush you with my foot,” scoffed the heir and turned the stranger away. 

“Suit yourself. However, your greed will become your destruction. There will be only one Titan Shifter and it will not be you. In this castle, this Titan Shifter will save mankind from the likes of you.” As this was being said, the stranger turned into a sorcerer, waving a hand in the air and one by one, each of the beasts turned into tiny humans. “Because not only have you rejected me once but twice, you and everyone in this castle will change into humans.”

“Doesn’t matter to me.” The heir sneered at the sorcerer and turned a chin up, “You’re forgetting I’ve already the ability to shift forms.”

“You’re right.” The sorcerer said, narrowing its eyes. “Then, I will conceal the true heir’s identity from you to prevent you from becoming the rightful heir of Titans.”

And before the heir could crush the stranger out of anger, the sorcerer disappeared leaving a scroll with the oracle written in it. Ashamed of her ruined fate, the heir hid the oracle within the deepest part of her castle. Being an heir to the Titans, the heir seamed a strong bind of her power into a crystal ball that showered over the whole castle and the people whom resided inside it; only to sustain the possibility to shift into Titan form in prevention of revealing the true heir.

“If I can’t become heir to the Titans, no one can.” She whispered to no one in particular, and looked off into the distance as the bitter cold took a turn for the worst.

.

.

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Chapter One  
:Different Is She from The Rest of Us:

Hange snapped the seventh volumn of The Procreant Structure of Titans with an ideal shut of both hands as she leaped to her feet from her window seat. “Up until now, Titans were made to seem like a fairy tale— but to think Titans could be actual beings, like us humans!” She thought, undoubtedly. From her readings, she learned that Titans are gigantic figures that roamed the face of the Earth looking for humans to prey on; an instinctive survival trait. Just like her and all that lived within the Walls, she concluded.

As a young girl, Hange was sent to Wall Rose by a group of priests. She couldn’t remember much of her past and even her background was unknown to her and everybody that associated with her. So, she made up an incredible, stoical version of how her family was killed by a band of bandits outside the walls leaving her the only survivor. With such details coming from a child, the townspeople couldn’t believe such a feeble story and since there wasn’t any background proof, they deemed her a poor liar. But that didn’t stop Hange from spinning tales, whether they were fact or hypothetical; just like dreams and premonitions, though it’s an inventive hunch, that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be a factual occurrence. 

In her years of adolescence, Hange came across a sorority called the Survey Corps, that had stopped by her side of town and was recruiting members to help fight against the Titans that intruded the other Walls outside Wall Rose. In the trial mark, Hange sold herself as a researcher and after taking an aptitude test, she came out as the smartest person amongst the citizens in Wall Rose. 

Skipping to her desk, she opened a drawer full of scatter feather pens, empty ink bottles, skewered materials and crumbled white pieces of paper. Grabbing some paper and her writing utensils, Hange mapped out the food chain between humans and Titans.

Humans: Hunters, Feeders, Learners, Reproducers

Titans: Hunters, Feeders, Learners, Reproducers…Clones? …But how?

She tapped the quill pen, ink blotting the paper as her mind circled around for an answer to her question. It didn’t make sense; from all the books that she read up until now, Titans were horrid monsters who weren’t attracted to each other but to their preys. There were numerous of them mentioned, of all shapes and sizes, per to what she read in the books she borrowed from Wall Rose’s library. 

Hange sat back into her chair, her eyes wandering up to her floorboard ceiling. No one she knew could understand why she turned out the way she did; why she was so intrigued with Titans and what made her even join a ragtag of avengers. 

It wouldn’t change her weird personality if she did explain herself, though one good thing came out of being in the Survey Corps. Every soldier had a purpose. Whether it’s a reason, an escape, fate or whatever, they all shared that one good thing. Hange let out a short chuckle, “And from that good thing came with people I grew fond of.”

Moblit Berner, Hange’s assistant and messenger is a loyal and panic-ensued mother hen that would take a shot for his comrade. The first time Moblit assisted Hange, he was in for a whole new experience, a lot more trouble than he expected. In almost every study expedition they went on, Moblit had saved Hange’s hide. There was no man like Moblit Berner that she could tease and catch them off guard. It was her specialty, alike most maidens in distress. 

Though she wasn’t a maiden in distress, so claimed Levi. Levi Ackerman, Corporal of the Survey Corps. Another soldier Hange grew fond of teasing. A man of strength and cleanliness, there was absolutely no guy that could compare to him, unless their commander Erwin Smith came into the picture. But unlike Erwin who was a man of his word, Levi was a promising strategist, hunter and an interrogator. No matter how many times he found her revolting, he would always lend an ear for an unlimited time that she spoke.

Mike Zacharias, second to the strongest man living, had a distinct sense of smell. If everyone thought Hange was strange, Mike was stranger. He has a bizarre way of greeting people, a direct sniff to the neck crease, Hange learned, that holds a bodily scent in which helps Mike detect someone’s identity. 

Speaking of identity, when the townspeople heard of her position in the Survey Corps, rumors started spreading like wildfire. She was surrounded by most of the male population in the Corps. She was unsafe, or rather maybe her intention was to get as much attention from the men so they could “understand” her philosophy. But Hange paid no mind, because other than the men that associated with her, there was one other woman who sparked her interest.

Petra Ral, a skilled and experienced assassin, whom dubbed herself a respected fan of Levi, once admitting to Levi that he didn’t live up to the legend of “Humanity’s Strongest Soldier” due to his many personality quirks and flaws. Although Hange and Petra worked in different departments, that didn’t stop Hange from observing the young maiden and connecting the dots between Petra and her comrades, and vice versa.

Sighing, Hange looks back at her drawn map and drops the quill pen. There must be more… She thinks. Maybe a breath of fresh air would do her some good and who knows, maybe another Titan book is waiting for her. Standing to go, she grabs the borrowed book and exits her room with a determined look. 

.

.

Outside was just as bright and beautiful and brown and dusty as any other morning. Walking from the dorms, she leaped down some flight of stairs, humming an apt tune. Strolling to the gated entrance of the courtyard, Hange began her journey to Wall Rose’s library. 

.

.

[Hange]  
Wall Rose, it’s a lively village.  
Every day like the ones before.  
Busy town full of little humans, waking up to say.

[Soldier #1]  
Titans!

[Soldier #2]  
Titans!

[Soldier #3]  
Titans!

[Soldier #4]  
Titans!

[Soldier #5]  
Titans!

[Hange]  
There goes the Survey Corps with their morning PT  
The same old routine yet to cease  
Every morning just the same,  
Since the morning the Titans came,  
That invaded Titan Walls and humanity.

[Mike]  
Good morning Hange!

[Hange]  
Good morning Mike. 

[Mike]  
Where are you off to?

[Hange]  
To the library.  
Just finished reading up on the reproduction system. Did you know that there’s a high probability that Titans could have carnal—?

[Mike]  
Hange, as much as that excites you. I must return to my duties. Good day!

[Soldiers]  
Look there she goes  
That girl is strange, no question.

[Delivery Man]  
I wonder if she’s mentally ill?

[Soldier #1]  
Never part of any crowd.  
Her voice is always loud.

[Soldiers]  
But we can’t deny her genius when in need. 

[Soldier #1]  
Squad Leader!  
Good day!  
Moblit is missing.

[Hange]  
Morning!  
Is that so?  
Thanks for the report.

[Soldier #1]  
My pleasure. Ten four.  
I’ll return to my duties.

[Hange]  
I hope today I will get more clues and results.

[Hange enters the library]

[Library Clerk]  
Ah! If it isn't the only bookworm in town!  
So, what do I owe the pleasure to?

[Hange]  
Morning. I’ve come to return the book I borrowed. 

[Library Clerk]  
Finished already?

[Hange]  
Oh, I couldn’t put it down.  
Have you got anything new?

[Library Clerk]  
We’re still salvaging what’s left in Wall Maria.  
So, no. 

[Hange]  
Oh. Well what about Wall Sina?

[Library Clerk]  
Nope. 

[Hange]  
Hah. Well, that was a waste of time. Alright, then I guess I’ll just hold onto this book for another day. 

[Library Clerk]  
Sure. It’s not like anyone besides you is eager to read it.

[Hange exits the library]

[Group of Soldiers]  
Look there she goes  
That girl is so peculiar.

[Woman #1]  
I wonder if she's feeling well.

[Group of Recruits]  
With a dreamy far off look,  
And her nose stuck in a book,  
What a puzzle to the rest of us, is her.

[Hange]  
Oh! Isn't this intriguing? I have learned that Titans are just like us. Here, in this section of female misconceptions. If there’s no anal then there must be one more hole.

[Woman #1]  
Now it's no wonder that our Corporal insults her.  
Her looks are best on not to tell.

[Soldiers]  
But behind those nerdy specs,  
Is what we didn’t expect.

[Woman #1]  
A spinster is what I got from the fuss...

[Women]  
She's not as clean like the rest of us.

[Villagers and Soldiers]  
Yes, different is she from the rest of us, is her.

[Levi]  
Oh look, there’s four eyes.  
And of course, she’s reading again.  
What’s the use of having glasses if its stuck behind a book?

[Erwin]  
An acquired taste, is what I’d call her.  
And you, give her a chance, she may surprise you.

[Levi]  
Her? Ha! Never!

[Erwin]  
Never judge a book by its cover.

[Levi]  
She's not a book. In fact, she may as well be an open one, at that. 

[Erwin]  
Levi...

[Levi]  
The messiest girl in town.  
And she never takes a bath!  
And have you seen her glasses?!

[Erwin]  
Okay, that’s probably going a little too far but, you know...

[Levi]  
Right from the moment when I met her, saw her,  
I said she's revolting and I knew...  
Here in town there's only she,  
Who is grossly fond of me  
Now I’m stuck with her, with Squad Leader Hange.

[Petra]  
Look there, he goes, isn't he dreamy?  
Corporal, Levi, oh he's so cute!  
Be still my heart, I'm hardly breathing.  
He's such a short, dark, strong and handsome brute.

[Townspeople talking]

[Hange]  
Oh hey, Levi! Levi! Do you see me waving at you?

[Levi]  
Oh crap! She spotted me! 

[Levi flees the scene]

[Villagers]  
Look there she goes, that girl that's strange but special.  
A most peculiar scientist.  
It's a pity and a sin,  
She doesn't quite fit in.  
But she really is an oddly girl...  
A nifty but a funny girl...  
She really is an oddly girl...  
Hange!

.

As soon as the villagers dispersed back to their daily morning routines, Hange caught up to Levi and smacked a hand on Levi’s back, letting out a wide grin, “Hi Levi!”

Feeling the impact to fall over, Levi straightened himself upright and grunted, “Four eyes.”

“What are your plans today?”

“Cleaning the stables.”

“Oh?” Hange put a finger to her chin. She wondered why Levi made a big deal pushing chores to clean into his schedule when he could be doing something more productive. But if he were to stay busy cleaning, he wouldn’t mind hearing what she had to say about her new discovery! “Can I join?”

Levi looked up at her, disbelief clearly showing in his eyes. “You, help clean the stables?”

“Well, why not?” Hange began, placing a hand on her hip and leaned towards Levi. “It would make the job go faster.”

She smiled. But he wasn’t convinced. She probably just wanted to bother him like every chance she got. He narrowed his eyes and turned away, “No thanks.”

Pouting, Hange mewled over Levi, bringing a hand around his shoulder and sagged off him. “But Levi, I wouldn’t get in your way!”

Levi felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand. What was this girl thinking, he thought? They were in the middle of town whilst everybody is roaming around, pretending not to notice and this girl thinks she can belittle him by showing this kind of display? Hell, to the No! “What do you want, you greasy mongrel?”

“Just your fully and undivided attention.” She answered, unaffected by his name calling. She thought it cute that he’d come up with all these nicknames for her. She lifted away, taking some of her weight off the short man.

He rolled his eyes and turned slightly to her. “Don’t you have more important, pressing matters to return to? Where did your assistant even run off to?”

“Moblit?” Hange questioned. Now that she thought about it, she hasn’t seen him since the day before. Where did her assistant run off to? She thought hard and remembered that a soldier did stop her before she entered town saying that Moblit had gone missing. But she was too excited to see if a new Titan volumn had been restored to even think of her assistant’s whereabouts.

“He probably couldn’t stand how defiled your stench is.” Levi added, and turned to leave. But the next he knew, Hange had taken ahold of his arm, sliding her hands from his biceps to his wrist. He looked at her inked smudge hands for a moment before tearing away and glaring up at her. 

“What now, four eyes?”

“Alright, I’ll go find Moblit. But later, you must lend me your ear!” Hange locked her gaze with Levi’s, a curious swing wavered in the way she stared at him. At that, Levi yanked his arm out of her grip and turned around. Huffing, he crossed his arms and kicked dust under his foot. “I’ll lend you more than just an ear.” 

He heard her hum in response to his retaliation. “A bath would suffice,” He continued, his chin up as he thought better of himself. Hange, taking a bath would be a dream come true! For one, how could that girl even see through her glasses which were covered in filth? But before he could go into explicit detail of his deal with her, he turned and his face turned into a dark expression. 

Hange had disappeared, leaving dust in her wake.

“That stupid, idiotic girl!” He growled under his breath, and thought, she’s so going to get an earful of me later!

.

TBC

.


	2. Titans Has Screwed Us Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked the first Chapter. There’s more so hang in there and stay tuned! Comment too, if you liked the lyrics as well. I worked hard on those parody songs.

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Chapter Two  


:Titans Has Screwed Us Over:

Hange storms through the district’s village as if she was on an important mission, curiosity and determination plastered on her face. She wondered what her assistant Moblit was up to and why he wasn’t at her side, taking notes. 

Oh! She thinks, her eyes glancing up towards the clouds above, maybe he’s on duty, secretly analyzing Levi like they talked about a while back. 

_Hange hummed, her forefinger caress the edge of the book’s page corner with ease as she flipped to the next page. Intrigued by her readings, Moblit sat across from her, a bundle of papers strewn across his desk, as he observed her many different expressions forming on her face._

__

_“What’s in that book that’s got you so pleased?” Moblit asked, his eyes strayed to the book in her hands. Hange stopped humming and a chortle burst from her lips._

__

_“Oh, such fascinations you could ever imagine!” Hange grinned, and looked up at him. Her eyes shined with glee at her findings and she went into hypothetical theory mode. She summarized the series of texts she had read so far and diluted her prediction of what will be at the end of the book that she held. “Not many diaries survived this catastrophe, Moblit!”_

__

_“That is something, Squad Leader.” Moblit straightened his seating position and turned to yawn. “Though, what you’re reading is a book of emotions. You know the townspeople aren’t going to listen to reason.”_

__

__

_“But it’s all in this book!” Hange stood up abruptly, knocked back her chair where it crashed to the floor with a loud thud. She grinned manically, “This book is only the third volumn; there has to be more! There could be more!”_

__

__

_“Sometimes I wonder…” The older gentleman began._

__

__

_“That’s our job, Moblit Berner.” Hange walked around the bend of her desk and strode to her assistant without any qualms set in her mind. “To wonder, to discover, to boldly go where no man or woman has gone before! Maybe even beyond the walls; further from the Titan’s forest… Oh! I know, we can do an expedition to track down the author of these writings!”_

__

__

_Her assistant’s eyes widen at her speculation. Her announcement had hit home and he couldn’t hold in his terror at the thought of the two of them venturing beyond the wall, past the forest to who knows where or what without a plan of action. “What? No! We can’t!”_

__

__

_“And why not?” Hange asked, quirking a brow at him. “Don’t be such a pansy, Moblit! All we need to do is get approval from Erwin and everything will work itself out.”_

__

__

.

.

.

 _“I’m sorry Zoe, but you’re needed here.” Erwin spoke, a tone of finality piercing Hange. Hange slumped forward, a pout on her face as she tried, at least, tried to give the Commander the doggy eyes. “We can’t afford to lose you, our regime’s smartest soldier, to a dangerous journey that will hypothetically resolve your predictions, no less prove if the author is out there or not. Which I’m sure the anonymous author is not.”_

__

__

_Once outside the door to Erwin’s office, Hange walked furiously towards the Survey Corps’ basement, where her assistant was doing rounds on duty. “Moblit! Moblit!”_

__

__

_Hearing his name being called frantically by his squad leader, Moblit appeared in sight only to be grabbed and thrown into an empty interrogative room. “I need you!”_

__

__

_Moblit backed into a wall, staring wide eyed at his leader. “Is this about the sponsorship?”_

__

__

_Hange’s glasses flashed from the light above them. “Erwin isn’t convinced about our plan to venture out.”_

__

__

_“Actually…it’s more like your plan.”_

__

__

_“You’ve been in longer; maybe you can tweak his mind into letting us go?”_

__

__

_“I won’t do no such thing. Look, Squad Leader, what exactly did our Commander say?”_

__

__

_“That I’m needed here and no hypothetical journey is going to take my life, blah, blah, blah, blah!” Hange rolled her eyes, but grinned at him with a spark in her eye. She crept forward, and pinned her assistant to the wall. Then whispered, “Oh, but Moblit…he only meant me. He never said you couldn’t go.”_

__

__

_Seeing what she meant by her needing him, Moblit let out a disbelief shout, “Wait, by myself? You must be out of your mind!”_

__

__

_“You are one correct son of a hound if you think she isn’t insane.” A new voice bounced off the enclosed room’s walls._

__

__

_Turning both their heads to the said voice outside the room’s glass wall, Levi stood, eyes narrowed suspiciously, especially at Hange. “Erwin told me. If you’re still hounding for an excuse to go, the answer is still no.”_

__

__

_Hange straightened up, and backed away from her assistant. She raised her hands in a surrender pose as Moblit settled in a respectable, salute posture. “Corporal Levi, sir!”_

__

__

_Levi nodded and Moblit relaxed. Hange strolled towards the short man, humming happily that the next man she loves to tease was there. “Hey short stuff!”_

__

__

_“As if you can talk, you filthy dog.” Levi scrunched his nose at the stench of Hange’s unwashed body came closer. “Ugh, when was the last time you took a bath, four eyes?!”_

__

__

_Hange rolled her eyes to the ceiling, her fingers ticking off the days that she hadn’t bathed. “Are you counting?!” Levi declared, shooting a disgusted look her way._

__

__

_“She’s been busy, sir.” Moblit joined in, his nose unwrinkled. “Her scent has permeated my surroundings that it’s almost as if I can no longer smell her anymore.”_

__

__

_Levi glanced at Moblit with pity and suddenly held up a bottle of cleaning spray. “I can help you with that. Here, sniff this and be cleanse of this,” his eyes shot back at Hange and gave her a look-over, “putrid smelling ogre.”_

__

__

_“Your nicknames have no tarnish to my name.” Hange let out a small giggle, “It’s kind of…cute, per say.”_

__

__

_“Oh god.”_

__

__

_“To think you’re beginning not to have an effect on her…” Moblit said aloud, before shutting his mouth promptly at his mistake and changed the subject, “Uh! You know, I must get back to my rounds. Until later, Squad Leader Hange. Good day…sir.”_

__

__

_Moblit scurried out the room, leaving his two fellow leaders to battle out their remote feelings for each other. Hange, with her mind in the clouds, didn’t notice her assistant’s disappearance, whereas Levi on the other hand, stood a few feet away from the girl with the spray bottle extended and pointing at Hange. “Oh, don’t worry, that’s all going to change.” He mumbled in response to Moblit’s earlier statement. Annoyed at her unfocused attention, Levi triggered the cleaning bottle._

__

__

.

.

 _Hange stared at the tiled roofing one after the other as Levi dragged her to the bathhouse around the bend of the courtyard. Hange wondered what other ways she could get her expedition to be sponsored. And by who? Who would go up against Erwin? Who, out of the whole regime, is just as convincingly influential aside from Erwin?_

__

__

_Hange gasped as the answer sparked in her mind. Levi stopped abruptly at the entrance to the bathhouse, the walls displaying the gender doors and threw Hange to the ground. The young woman giggled from the floor, looking up through her eye lashes at the short leader before her._

__

__

_Not liking the way she was looking at him, or what was going on in her mind, for that matter, Levi glared at the dusty scientist and gritted out:_

__

__

.

.

 __ **Levi: Okay, can I just be real here?**

 _ ****_

**Hanji: I love real!**

__

__

__****

__**Levi: All my life has been a series of rules in my book  
**

__**And then suddenly you bumped into me  
**

**__**((Seriously, take a bath, ugh! What did—what happened? A cat died on you? Please tell me you didn’t!))****

********

********

**Hanji: Pretty sure it’s the other way ‘round! But like, I’ve been searching ways to end this Titan crusade  
If only I could convince Erwin to raise my campaign**

__

__

_****_

_Levi yanked the women’s entrance door open and marched through with the scientist pegging behind. Hoping to get on Levi’s side, Hange followed closely behind the young man until they reached the tub._

__**Levi: But with you…**__

__**_**Hanji: But with you…**_**__

__**_**_**Levi: Humanity’s Smartest…**_**_**__

_**_**_**_**Hanji: Humanity’s Strongest…**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Both: And it’s nothing like I’ve ever known before! Titans has screwed us over! Titans has screwed us over! Titans has screwed us over!**_**_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_Levi turned the HOT tab and water started gushing into the tub, filling it up. Hange stood a little away from the cleaning station as Levi did all the work to prepare the bath for her._

__**Levi: Like you!**__

__**_**Hanji: Like who?**_**__

__**_**_**Levi: Like you!**_**_**__

_**_**_**_**Hanji: Not me!**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Both: Titans has screwed us over!**_**_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_Hesitantly, Hange stripped and went in. Clenching her teeth at the heated water, Hange felt her goggles being taken off her head and as she turned her head, she saw Levi set the object on the side. Feeling playful, Hange reached out and flicked her finger against the waves of the water, splashing water at Levi’s face._

_Levi glared at Hange._

___**((Levi: Stop it. Behave.))**___

___**_**Hanji: I have an idea!**_**___

__**_**_**Levi: what?**_**_**__

_**_**_**_**Hanji: If I were to have one of these—**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Levi: No**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Hanji: Just let me finish!**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Levi: The answer is still no.**_**_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_Hange huffed, and rolled her eyes. Clearly, her playfulness wasn’t getting to Levi’s good side. How could she be in Levi’s favor? Oh! Perhaps, if she were to agree with him; maybe then he would reconsider._

__**Both: For the love of humanity!**__

__**_**Hanji: Jinx!**_**__

__**_**_**Levi: No, Hanji.**_**_**__

_**_**_**_**Both: Our mental synchronization Can have but one explanation**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Hanji: You-**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Levi: And I-**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Hanji: Were-**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Levi: Just-**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Both: Meant to live!**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Levi: Say hello…**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Hanji: Say hello…**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Both: To the pain of the past We will have to relive it once more! Titans has screwed us over! Titans has screwed us over! Life can be so much more!**_**_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_Levi growled at Hange’s lax scrubbing and grabbed the cloth instead and did his bidding. Hange moped in the now lukewarm water as Levi doused her in soap and suds and scrubbed, scrubbed and scrubbed away the grease and grime that made her days and mostly nights of researching worth it._

__**Levi: With bleach!**__

__**_**Hanji: No baths!**_**__

__**_**_**Levi: No, Hanji!**_**_**__

_**_**_**_**Hanji: No Titans!**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**Both: Titans has screwed us over…**_**_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_Hange got up as Levi turned away, his hand already extended with a towel in his grasp. Taking the cloth, Hange begun toweling herself off._

__**Hanji: Can I say something crazy?**__

__**_**Levi: You are crazy.**_**__

__**_**_**Hanji: Will you sponsor me?**_**_**__

_**_**_**_**Levi: For the last time: No.**_**_**_**_

_**_**_**_**((Hanji: But Levi, this is for HUMANITYYYY!))**_**_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_**_**_****_**_**_

_“Ah! Get your wet body off of me!” Levi’s voice echoed off the walls as well as past the courtyard._

__

__

.

 _As the young, energetic now moping scientist ambled toward the lab where she was called upon by her other team of scientists, a hand landed on her shoulder and she couldn’t help but let out a shout in discomfort._

__

__

_“Wow, Corporal Levi really did a number on you.” Moblit observed Hange, giving her a once over, retracting his startled hand back to his side. “Though, he’s only doing what you should have been doing.”_

__

__

_“And that is?”_

__

__

_“Taking care of your hygiene, as well as your health.”_

__

__

_“Levi can go suck it!” Hange sulked, stomping her foot. “The least he could do was hear me out. I took a stupid bath because of him—not that I needed it. I didn’t even feel dirty!”_

__

__

_Moblit wasn’t surprised at his leader’s chatter. Most of the soldiers in the regime could see how compatible the duo was, no matter how complete opposites they were. Moblit blinked and felt slightly bad for leaving Hange in the hands of the strongest…scrubber… in the corps._

__

__

_“Well…” Moblit began, thinking of ways to boost her esteem. He could pull a few strings; after all, he had been in longer and he knew the ropes of strategizing and fighting towards a goal. Maybe Erwin would—could see that if it came from him and not from the scientist._

__

__

_“It feels like everyone has something against me, though, I’m not so sure why…?”_

__

__

_Moblit opened his mouth to count the number of times Hange would carelessly throw her flaws about the village, even if to her it seemed like another opportunity to better herself, despite the many complaints the villagers have against her._

__

__

_“Sure, there was that one time…with the cat incident,” Hange noted as Moblit dutifully nodded at the sad aspect of the poor, poor traumatized cat which was cease to be mentioned. “And when I blackmailed Mike to do my bidding because I…suspected…Erwin to be an accomplice with the Titans. I mean, come on, what does he do in that office all day? Or, the time when we went outside the walls, where was he?”_

__

__

_“He was behind you like the rest of us were!” Moblit pointed out, “Remember? You were so excited to catch a Titan, you rushed out the gates like the Titans were giving you free cookies! The only one with a right mind, who was willing to catch up to you was Corporal Levi.”_

__

__

_“Oh. Well, no matter.” Hange waved her hand, brushing off the topic. The two were lost in thought as they neared the corridor of the lab, until Moblit paused in step at the next words that came out of Hange’s mouth._

__

__

_“Moblit, be a sweetie and do me a favor?”_

__

__

_“Is this about the sponsorship, because I was—”_

__

__

_“Sort of.” Hange grinned mischievously. “I have an alternative plan to get Erwin to change his mind.”_

__

__

_Moblit, uncertain, waited patiently beside his Squad Leader and quirked a brow as she began telling her plan of action._

__

__

_“You’re basically asking me to get on Corporal Levi’s nerves so that he would beg you to stop and in return you would ask him a favor he cannot refuse.” Moblit stared at the crazy-eyed girl, with a half amused and half disbelief, faulty smile on his face. “Yeah, I don’t think that is going to turn out well.”_

__

__

_“When does anything in this dump hole turn out well?” Hange raised her hands above her hair, slightly flinching from the ache in her shoulders. “Just…please, Moblit. Do it for me! Do it for humanity! When all else fails, try, try again, isn’t that our motto? I don’t care how long it will take, actually I do, but—”_

__

__

_Moblit sighed, shaking his head at her spruced up speech and then blurted out, “Fine! But smoke’s going down if Corporal Levi has my head.”_

__

__

_“He won’t!” Hange leaped up in victory, forgetting her aching muscles for the time being, “Besides, he’ll know it’s from me, so no fear!”_

__

__

_“Fear is exactly what I’m talking about.” Moblit mumbled to himself before stopping at their respectable destination. Opening the door, Hange skipped through with Moblit following not too far behind. He sighed again as the door swung close behind him. And muttered, “Things are gonna get real from here on out.”_

__

__

.

.

.

The young, brown haired scientist grins at the memory as she strolls into the compound of the Survey Corps. Climbing the steps to the courtyard, Hange makes her way to the lab corridor where in hopes, she meets Moblit. But as she enters the lab, she doesn’t see the older assistant. 

Befuddled at where he may be or have gone, Hange does a thorough check at all the places he could be hiding, including the inside the waste bins outside the kitchen, the bathhouse, the dungeon, the interrogative section of the compound, the Church, and many other crooks and crannies. She even bet if Levi saw how determined and focused she was right then, he would be proud of her mad skills. 

And that is when the thought struck and she stood in place for a mere two minutes before her mind clicked into motion again. “That’s it! Why didn’t I think about this before? Levi has caught Moblit in many unmentioned places that he could probably help me find him!” 

Running back to the main HQ, Hange calls out for Levi as big and as loud as she can. Unfazed by the weird looks directed at her everywhere she goes, Hange runs towards Erwin’s domain and bursts through his quarters without a second notice nor courtesy to knock. “ERWIN!” 

There, where Hange first left him, sat Erwin, scribbling away on paper. He doesn’t look up but replies, nonetheless, “Yes, Hange?” 

“HAVE YOU SEEN LEVI?” 

Erwin remains undisturbed and with his other hand, points at the door. Hange whips her head at the open doorway, then to the door that slammed against the wall, or what was supposed to be the wall, instead was a short man smooshed against the wall. Walking towards the undamaged construction, Hange takes aside the door and peers down at the dark aura that clouded a very, upset short man. 

“Oh, hey, Levi! What are you doing hiding behind the door?” Hange manages a grin. “You must be careful; you’ll never know who will barge in without knocking and before you know it—BAM, you’re pancaked to the wall…oh, your forehead is turning purple!” 

Hange, being the absentminded person in the room, laced her arm around Levi, pulling him away from the wall and to the center of the room. “Are you okay, Levi? Are you hurt? Maybe you need to see a doctor? Are you sick? 

Maybe you caught something? If so, let me know so I can examine you from head to toe…you never know what could have been the cause. But no worries—” 

A short chortle was heard behind them. 

“ERWIIIIN!” Red-faced, Levi let out a furious growl before walking up to Erwin’s desk and slamming his hands on the surface, “Do something about this stupid four-eyed, mongrel! Send her away; far away from me. Past the forest if you have to; just make sure she’s nowhere near me!” 

At this, Hange batted her eyes at the suggestion and couldn’t believe her ears. Levi has lost his wits and is doing everything in his power to send her away on the expedition she’s been so longing for! “Oh, that was quicker than I expected it would take.” 

“Now, Levi,” Erwin said, finally putting down his quill. “Hange may be a little…special, but you have to bear with it.” 

“By that, he means I’m a genius.” Hange winks down at Levi. Levi rolls his eyes at her oblivious state. 

“And sure, she has her flaws, but what child doesn’t?” 

“By child, he means…” Hange grins then pauses, “Wait, what?” Levi smirks at dumbness. 

“By child, he means your immaturity.” Levi answers in a haughty manner. 

“Anyway, my point is, Hange’s mind is still growing. And with her within these walls will keep her and everyone in this village safe. God knows what will be of her if she goes past the forest. Do you understand where I’m getting at?” 

“I do.” Levi said, but directs a thumb at Hange, “Though, I don’t think four-eyes did.” 

There, standing in the middle of the room, was a broken Hange whose mind reeled Erwin’s words like an unending pinwheel. If you looked with a keen precision, you could almost see Hange’s soul draining from her lips. His decision is still a final no, Hange thinks as her inner sulks in a corner of her mind. 

“Hange?” Erwin calls out, worry etched in his tone. “Crap. …Levi?” 

“Oh, no.” Levi shakes his head, “There’s no way I’m taking care of this inhumane bot. Do you see my face?” 

Erwin quirks a brow at Levi’s disheveled hair, his collar uneven and his cravat undone. He then evaluates Levi’s face and sees a bruise forming on his temple. In a way, Levi doesn’t look all that bad compared to the many, other times Hange has put him through Hell. “Point taken. However, I need you to take her to the clinic. We can’t have a broken Hange, now can we?” 

Levi stood there, unmoved by his words. Though, what Erwin said was slightly on par to saving Humanity. Without Hange’s disgusting and witty reputation, body and mind, they couldn’t have gone this far. Exhaling a fiery huff, Levi turns on his heels and grabs Hange’s wrist before stomping out of the office, and slamming the door with a shake to its hinges. 

Erwin lets out an exhausted groan, “Children, sometimes.” 

TBC

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 ** ** ** _ _ _ _ _ _ ** _  
_**______******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you have a good laugh? Let me know by giving feedback in the review box below! Also, I know the parody song is from Frozen, but I felt it went well with Hange’s flashback. Besides, the song Evermore wasn’t in the original Disney movie, that I can recall... Though, more B&TB songs will be in further chapters. Until next time, stay tuned!


	3. Who Does She Think She Is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked the last chapter, you’re gonna especially like this one! (Well, hopefully…I mean, who doesn’t like parody musicals?)

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Chapter Three

:Who Does She Think She Is?:

  


After Levi dropped Hange at the clinic, he went about his business hoping to clear away some chores he intended to finish since the morning of. Starting with Erwin’s office, in which he was cleaning, before Hange rudely barged in without the sense of knocking. 

Walking back to his boss’ office, he knocks twice before entering after a quiet ‘come in’. Erwin was stooped over his desk, his left hand measuring a map and in the other hand, a quill, drawing a line from one point to another. 

“How is Hange?” Erwin murmurs, his eyes unmoving though his thoughts paused for verification. 

“Banshee crazy,” Levi rolls his eyes and walks behind the door where the books had fallen from his previous slamming incident. Without another word, Levi picks up the books, and places them back into their rightful place. Then with a huff, he strode to the other end of the bookshelf and mutters, “I’m irritated, thanks for asking.”

"Oh, I already know what you’re feeling.” Erwin chuckles, leaning back from his handiwork. “That’s why I didn’t ask.”

Levi clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth in response to Erwin’s smart answer. This old man sided with no one, he noticed, unless it was good for Humanity. For instance, a few months ago, Hange came up with a crazy idea to test out the many different types of odor Titans could be attracted to; so, she got approval from Erwin to take some ‘test subjects’ and cage them outside the wall for an hour. Though however shrewd she was, she didn’t specify what her test subjects were—or at least, ‘she’d forgotten to mention’ is what she said. Later that day, Erwin found out that her test subjects pertained to bodies with heads, limbs and crying voices screaming out for help. Another time that Hange got approval for her experiments was when Erwin became ill and he was vulnerable and wasn’t in his right mind. 

“You’re thinking too hard,” Erwin broke Levi’s train of thoughts. Taking his eyes off the book in his hands, Levi switches his attention to Erwin, who was seated, facing the glass pane window. “Maybe you should join Hange and get your head checked out.”

Furrowing his brow, Levi was reminded of the bruise swelling on his temple. “No.” There was no way he was going to join Hange in the clinic, if she was still there, that is. If he sees her again that morning, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do to her. As payback, he thinks and grounds his hand into a fist. “I’m fine.”

Erwin sighs at his subordinate’s stubbornness. 

“Levi…” 

The short man overlooks his superior’s lenient tone as he spoke. “You should be used to her antics by now. Besides, it’s not all that bad. In the end, it wasn’t all for naught.”

Levi rolls his eyes at the thought of Erwin comforting him. He arches his shoulders and puts the book from his hold into its’ rightful place on the shelf and turns to go. “No matter your opinion, it won’t change mine.”  


“Perhaps so,” Erwin starts, glancing up at Levi through his window’s reflection. Levi catches his gaze and stills. “But this is Hange we’re talking about. Her mindset is still developing. We all have to give it to her for improving our mobility equipment gear.”

And what he said was true. Sure, kudos to the scientist. But, Levi hesitates, that still didn’t ease his feelings towards that stupid, oblivious girl. For one, she didn’t even notice his presence in the room and second, she didn’t even apologize for bruising his head…or his ego, which popped up from his inner consciousness. He shakes his head and buries the thought. 

“Better yet, take the day off. Clear your head.” Erwin orders and swirls his chair around. Levi widened his eyes. Erwin was removing him from his duties because of Hange?! If anything, he should be reprimanding Hange for her crazy episode and confine her to her room where she’ll create less damage to the things and the people around her. 

“I am clearing my head,” Levi huffs and crosses his arms. “By cleaning. The men aren’t going to like it if they have to do extra scrubbing tomorrow.”

Erwin parts his lips before settling them into a thin line. He places both hands on his desk and give Levi a once over. “Mm, point taken. Fine then. Finish up your daily chores; then rest up.”  
Moving with such ease, Levi stands at attention and places his right fist onto his chest in salute. Attentively, Erwin nods and gestures Levi to the door. Turning on his heel, Levi left Erwin’s office and marches to his next cleaning destination. 

.

.

.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the compound, Hange blinked from the light that was shone in her eyes. Her eyes dilated as she looked on confused. Why was she in the clinic? No, how did she get in the clinic? The last place she remembered being in was Erwin’s office before he said… Oh.

Pouting, Hange crossed her arms and grumbled, “I’m not a child.”

The nurse raised an eyebrow at her comment and leaned over a table, taking ahold of a small box filled with, “Candy?”

Hange opened her mouth to retort but when she saw the chocolate flavored truffle ball that made her mouth water, she couldn’t resist and reached out to take some. The nurse pulled back the box from her reach and cleared his throat, “Only one, please. I have other patients to attend to. Besides, I can’t have a big girl coming back with a tummy ache.”

Hange blew air into her cheeks as her inner whined in response, and flipped her hand over, “A truffle please.”

“Better,” The nurse smiled, taking and giving the said candy to Hange as she then popped it into her mouth and closed her eyes and savored the flavor. “It’s been awhile, Zoe. It’s not every day that Corporal Levi brings you in for a check-up.”

This causes Hange to stop chewing and raise a brow at the mention of the short man’s name. Levi brought her to the clinic. She hummed in thought—must’ve been from Erwin’s concerned request. She snickered at the replay of her thoughts and the alternate scenario that could’ve played out. 

“Is there something going on between you two?”

Coming back from her thoughts, Hange glanced at the nurse’s curious expression. “What?”

“Between you and Corporal, I mean. You two seem to be seen together most days since your last visit.”

“Well, we’ve been having a lot of missions together, courtesy of Erwin.” Hange grinned and couldn’t help the soft chuckle at the recollection of approved missions Levi got with her on his tail. If she couldn’t get close to the Titans, Levi sure could. What a better way to tag along but to be under Levi’s keen supervision. Thought, that didn’t stop her from riding ahead of them every time they do a scout retreat to the Titan’s forest. 

The nurse smiled, “Is that so? Seems like you’re getting along a little too well with Corporal, mm?”

Hange furrowed her brows at the nurse’s words. The way he said it sounded strange as if he was referring to something but she didn’t know what. She shrugged in response, hoping that the subject would change to something more exciting.

“You know, Levi looked quite disheveled when he arrived with you behind him. Said, he was in a hurry to get back to his daily chores and that you needed to be checked thoroughly.” The nurse grinned, winking at Hange. 

Okay, whatever the nurse was getting to didn’t hit home to Hange. She looked past the double meaning and smiled. “That’s just like short stuff; always worrying. Which is kind of nice…especially, for Humanity’s sake.”

“Haha,” The nurse laughed at her oblivious state, “Not quite what I meant, but make sure you stick close to him and don’t lose your hold on him.”

“Don’t think he would be too happy about that.” Hange knew Levi was big on keeping his bubble space personal, especially when it came to her. But she didn’t care because she believed everyone needs a hug when times get tough. Though, it’s every day for Levi that his mood turns sour. 

“He sure wouldn’t. Neither would you.” The nurse said, taking Hange’s hand and leading her to the exit. “Now, go and find Moblit. He’s due for a next check-up.”

Walking through the threshold and into the corridor, Hange stops and gasps, “Moblit! I’ve forgotten about Moblit!”

“What about Moblit?” The nurse, now befuddled at Hange’s reaction, asked. Hange began shifting on foot, her jerked movements made an indecisive notion to run left or run right. 

“Quick! Where’s Levi? I must go find him!” 

“He’s doing his cleaning rounds. Not sure where, though.”

At that, Hange snapped her fingers and started off in the direction of the courtyard. The nurse, left in the dust, looked after her running form disappeared behind a pillar. “You go, girl. Go find your man and come back with happy news.”

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By late evening, Levi was almost done with his pleasured duty. All was left was to clean the horse stables; by sweeping the stalls thoroughly, grooming the horses, and feeding them, and making sure all the crooks and crannies were spotless. 

However, when he got there, it was a pig’s pen. Why was he not surprised? Growling at the last assigned soldiers that had stall duty, whom thought their operation was clean enough, clearly missed the part where sanitation is key and all that follows should be procedurally taken noted of. Walking to the storage room, he picks up an empty pail, a broom and a floor scrubber. Then, he starts for the court yard’s water well.

Hauling a pail of water wasn’t a kink in the back than it was almost falling through the well when a certain someone showed up, surprising him with a scream to his ear. Watching the pail drop to the depths of the well, Levi bit his lip and glowers at the verdict that caused this mishap. 

“What is it, four-eyes?”

She breathes heavily; her eyes searching his, as if she wasn’t sure he was there or not. “I’ve been searching everywhere for you!”

“Why?” Levi takes a seat on the well’s surface, crossing one leg over the other and giving Hange a look of mild patience. “Thought you had more pressing matters to attend to, like finding your underling?”

With a loud gulp of air and swallowing it, Hange places her hand over her chest as if that would steady her fast-paced heart. “That’s why I need you. I wanted your help in finding Moblit!”

The short man blinks up at the tall woman. Was he a mind reader? Her assistant’s keeper? Clicking his tongue at her dubious state, he waves a hand in dismissal, “No clue. Haven’t seen him.”

“But! But, don’t you know where he could be hiding? He’s probably not revealing himself because I’m with you!” Hange threw her hands in the air, her body exaggerating the motions of her expressions. Levi glances past the scientist, wondering if the worried assistant was hiding from plain view and waiting to spy on him again. This time, if he did spy on him, he would most likely be caught in a weird, and awkward situation.

“What makes you think he’ll show his face when you’re not with me?”

“Because…!” Hange starts, before choking on her words. Her eyes already widen and her mouth hanging, she stands at attention and jerks her head to the side. With a quick peek at him, she sputters, “Oh, um, I can’t say.”

“And why not?” Levi narrows his eyes in suspicion. Whatever she was going to say must have been the reason why Berner was stalking him, no less spying on him. “What are you hiding from me that you can’t tell me?”

“It’s nothing!” Hange began, her eyes searching for a way out of her predicament. Levi waits, not liking the situation they were in. If she wasn’t going to tell him, there were other ways to get the information out of her. 

“Hange.”

She then inhales sharply. He held a smirk. She knew that whenever he used their first names that it meant things were getting serious and hell was going to break loose. He almost had her confession if not for a soldier marching up towards them with a horse in haywire. 

“Sir,” The soldier saluted. Levi glared. “We found this horse tromping outside the gates. No sign of whose horse it may belong to.”

Eyeing the horse, both Levi and Hange immediately knew whose horse it belonged to. Levi stood up and grabbed the horse’s reins from the soldier, steadying the horse before dismissing her. He then turned to Hange who gawked at Moblit’s horse, and answered, “Seems we found a lead.”

.

Could it be that Moblit deserted her and went ahead to further their research outside the walls? Hange thought, her arms crossed as she followed Levi and Moblit’s horse back to the stables. Though she may have looked crossed, her inner self was cheering on her assistant’s flippant motivation against Erwin’s orders to support her campaign. Why hadn’t she just opted to sneak outside the walls without the permission of Erwin or the careful hawk eye of Levi? 

“Are you going to report this to Erwin, or shall I?” Levi’s voice interrupted Hange’s victorious thought. Hange blinked, voicing her confusion. Levi stopped at the stable doors, placing the pail of water down and leading both the horse and his tall comrade inside. “A possible MIA report.”

Hange’s eyes widen as Levi started unbuckling the horse’s saddle and reins. If Moblit is reported MIA, would Erwin allow her and a couple soldiers to search for her assistant and bring him to safety? If that were to happen, on their way to the Titan’s forest, she could gather some intel for her research—courtesy to Moblit’s diabolical plan of being a damsel in distress. 

“Once Erwin gets a kick out of this,” Levi continued, obviously not missing the changing expression on Hange’s face. “The security inside the walls will triple.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning…your assistant will be assumed dead and we continue our lives until further orders.” Levi stepped around the horse and outside its stall, locking the door in place. 

Hange stills, her mind reeling as if a timed bomb was about to go off. If what Levi says is seventy five percent right, because god forbid its fifty-fifty, Hange settled on the thought of finding Moblit right away before her patience wanes thin, due to Erwin’s suffocating orders to stay put. 

Hange cries out, startling Levi as he looks around them to see what got Hange scared all of a sudden. “Haaah, you’re no fun, short stuff!”

Muddled at her sudden change in attitude, Levi shoots her a glare at her nickname. “What are you talking about, four eyes?”

Hange averted her eyes passed his shoulder to Moblit’s horse. “I, uh, was, um, trying to gouge out a reaction from you. To, uh, test you…on your observation skills—you failed!”

“Huh?”

"Moblit isn’t really missing; he…actually took the day off!”

"I didn’t hear any of this from Erw—” Levi noted, perking at the new news. Hange snapped, placing her index finger in the air as if she was suggesting something. 

“I personally gave Moblit a day off.” She nods, her mind dancing at her quick lying skills. “I thought it best not to torment him today, since, well who could resist me every day?”

Levi nodded in silent agreement. It took a lot of patience and tolerance to tend to Hange’s daily routine, no doubt that the short man couldn’t handle her himself, though for Moblit, it took a lot of courage to face her every single part of the day of the week. “Bless his soul,” he muttered.

“Come now, he’s not dead.” Hange chuckled, throwing a hand on Levi’s back.

“Yet.” He coughs out, narrowing his eyes at her. If she were to continue hitting people like this without forewarning, he swore that that poor soul is going to meet heaven soon.

Hange choked on her smile, overhearing the small comment Levi made. Was he catching on to her white lies? Did he suspect what she suspects? None of it made sense, really, after all she had been frantic all day…though, she could feint her act and continue this charade. 

Something smelled fishy, Levi thought as he locked his jaw. There wasn’t a nanosecond that he believed Hange’s story about her assistant’s surprised day off. Though, it would explain why he hadn’t spotted Moblit watching his every move. Shaking his head, he knew that if he led her to believe Erwin wouldn’t order a search party for her assistant, she would eventually give up her campaign and stay within the safety boundaries inside the wall. So, he allowed Hange to misdirect him. 

“Any who, guess I’ll go find Moblit.” Hange sweats out and slowly inches towards the door. 

Sure, you will, Levi noted, watching the tall girl race out the exit. Walking to the door, the short man took the pail of water and threw it onto the stable floor and grabbed a mop. As he mopped the floor, he peered once again into the horse’s stall of Moblit Berner and sought the trauma the horse held in its eyes. 

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The sun was setting soon as Hange reached her dorm room. She slammed the door behind her with a loud bang, jumping at her own anxiousness and excitement at her soon to be disappearance act. Taking a backpack out from her closet, she went to her drawers and stuffed some clothes in, a journal, a pen, and her extra pair of goggles in case her former glassware break or gets lost. Strapping the pack on, Hange pats down her disheveled hair, hoping to look as normal as possible, as if she wasn’t on a specific rendezvous mission. She treks back to the stables and whips her head around the doorway, immediately on the lookout for her short comrade. 

Luckily, the place was empty and spotless of any dirt. Impressed, Hange walks in and confidently enters Moblit’s horse stall. “Hi there Mosey!” Hange threw out, not exactly knowing the actual name of Moblit’s horse. But since it reminded her of Moblit and sounded a bit like his name, why not? The horse’s lip blabbered, huffing as if it was giving Hange a hissy fit. “We’re going on a backtrack detour. Just you and me.”

Turning, Hange grabbed the necessary equipment to saddle Mosey up. After securing the leather strap, Hange reached out and gently stroked Mosey’s muzzle. Then taking the reins and the bridle, Hange hooked the pieces onto the horse and took a step back at her work. “Let’s go find Moblit.”

.

In the meantime, Levi paraded into town, having almost forgotten to stock the horse stables with hay for tomorrow morning. Observing the stacks of hay lined up before him, he watched as the farmers mulled their horses away from the cow manure that was planted aside the barn of hay. Levi wrinkled his nose at the stench. He shook the feeling of nastiness off since he was feeling dirty himself from his earlier chores. No matter, he was bound to—no, he is going to take a bath tonight, when he finishes up everything he needs done. 

He smirks at the earlier conversation he had with Erwin that afternoon about his sudden day of rest. Rolling his eyes, he dismissed the thought and reminded himself to tell Erwin, perhaps he’ll take a day off tomorrow. 

“Captain!” A new voice entered his hearing range. Turning, Levi spots the same soldier that found Moblit’s horse from earlier. Behind her stood three other soldiers, waiting in attention. “We’ve brought two sets of wagons. Permit us when ready.”

Levi nods and waves a hand towards the barrel of hay. “I’ve managed to reserve stocks of hay for tomorrow’s barn feed. Help out and take these stocks to the inventory.”

Saluting, the soldiers began their task to handle the barrels of hay and stacking it neatly into the wagons. Inside the farm, the farmer that planted the barley walked toward Levi, followed by his wife and two twin daughters.

“Corporal,” The farmer said and bowed his head in respect to Levi. “Thank you for investing in us. We are in your favor!”

The wife and two daughters did the same, before the twins started giggling for no reason. Levi suspected it was a female syndrome that only happens around him…but, he was assured it wasn’t contagious by the lack of giggles from Hange or Petra. 

“Corporal Levi,” One of the twins spoke up, her eyes lashes fluttering as she looks up at him with a seductive smile, “Won’t you come in for tea? You look exhausted!”

Levi perked at the sound of tea, though he knew farmer’s tea weren’t the real deal he usually has with Erwin, any tea sounded good right about now. Perhaps, he’ll warm up some tea after taking a hot shower and before he heads to bed.

Pulled from his thoughts to decline the said offer, Levi now noticed the link arms of the other twin around his bicep. “Perhaps, a massage would help relax your tense muscles, yes?”

“I should really get back to work.” Levi announced, taking the twin’s arm and shrugging from her grip. The twins pouted as the parents then start to attempt to win him over. “You all deserve rest more than I. Besides, I’m sure farming and keeping a stable income isn’t an easy job.”

“It is as you say.” The farmer acknowledges, dwindling to a weak nod and not pushing him any further. 

Suddenly off from the distance, Levi hears a loud neigh and thumping sounds coming towards them, as well as a familiar, unorthodox ‘YAH-HOO’ from a certain scientist. Not quite the surreptitious way to sneak out the walls, Levi thought, assuming that’s what Hange was up to anyway. For what other reason was she riding Moblit’s horse for, stead backtracking where he could be if he was outside the walls. No, he didn’t doubt the dreadful shock in the horse’s eyes and was convinced the older assistant was MIA outside the safety walls of Wall Rose.

“Excuse me, while I…tame a certain mongrel.” Levi grumbled out the last part before departing towards the brunette and her steed. Crossing the barn, the horse made a beeline for Levi before he stomped in the center of the road and planted himself for the suspecting impact. Fortunately, the scientist had enough sense to heel the horse to an abrupt stop. 

“Ah, Levi,” Hange said, pulling at the reins as the horse began to trot around him. “What are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you that.” 

“Thought I’d take Mosey here for a walk around town…to calm him down.”

“Mosey?” Levi raised a curious eye brow.

"Yup.” Hange emphasized a pop noise to the word. Then, with another pull, Mosey turned its back on Levi and began sniffing the grass below. Turning her body, Hange peered down at Levi. “Huh, now that I think about it, you really are short!”

“Shut up, four eyes!” Levi glares, but then gives her a pointed look. “Did you find him?”

“Nope,” Hange made another emphasized noise before taking in what she slipped out. “Ah, I mean, yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” Hange began before returning a confused look, “Yes?”

“You sound unsure of yourself.”

“Yes! I mean, no!” Hange blurted out, feeling doubly screwed. He had caught on to her and if he tells Erwin about Moblit’s disappearance, it’s finished for her. There was no way that if she begged for him to keep it on the DL for a little while throughout her secret search, that he wouldn’t go and tell Erwin.

“Which is it?”

“No, I’m sure of myself.” Hange’s eyes trailed forward, avoiding the intimidating gaze of the short man. “And of course, I found him!”

Usually when someone knows they got caught and continues to play dumb, Levi knows he’s playing with a professional. Setting his mouth into a thin line, Levi watches as Hange tries to compose herself as how she thinks is ‘normal’, but enough is enough and Levi simply couldn’t let her go. “You’re lying.”

Hange was now sweating beads, her eyes trained further in the distance, hoping her voice didn’t tremble at her next words. “Am I, Levi, am I really?”

“You and I both know that your assistant isn’t even in Wall Rose. For all we know, he possibly went against orders and wounded lost in the Titan’s fore—” Levi snarked off, turning around and giving Hange no room to protest or defend herself. Unfortunately, before he could finish his sentence, Levi was thrown off balance.

Just the word ‘Titan’ sent Mosey into a state of fright that it started rousing a loud neigh, kicking up dirt and throwing the worst tantrum Levi could ever imagine. Of course, it was the worst he could _ever_ imagine because Mosey had buckled and high-reared Levi’s back and sent him flying into the cow manure. **In. Front. Of. Everyone.** That was present. To make matters worse, Mosey trampled away with an uncontrolled, yelling Hange on its back, leaving Levi in an awkward, uncomfortable and stinky situation.

Oh, she was so dead! Were the immediate thoughts that clouded Levi’s judgement. As he slowly got up, he heard gasps and running towards him. Though, his soldiers dared not near him for fear they may receive the worst nightmare of their lives…especially the one Levi was conjuring up for troublemaker Hange.

An uncomfortable silence ensued between the farmer family and Levi as they stood there, contemplating on what to say next. Finally, the farmer slipped out a certain line that made Levi’s blood boil. “I’m sure subduing that girl doesn’t come as an easy job either.”

 _How…_

“How about that tea offer?” The farmer’s wife asks in pity, inching towards his disgusting state, and places a hand at the back of his clean, white uniform. 

“Or, perhaps a hot bath would suffice?” The seductive twin lets out, not hiding away her actions to plug her nose.

 _Humiliating!_

.

.

.

After scrubbing hard at his skin with an English lavender soap, that was surprisingly presented by one of the twins, Levi dunked his body under the hot water, hoping the smell of manure would soon fade so he could go about town feeling remotely refresh as well as not being avoided because of the putrid smell accumulating his body.

Once he was satisfied, he got out with red arms and legs, and welts across his chest from all that rough scrubbing. His wet hair matted to his face as he dried off and got dressed into the borrowed clothes of the said farmer, which fitted him not too likely since his body frame was smaller than most men, above the age of twenty. 

Growling, Levi marched towards the exit of the bathhouse and thanked the farmers for their hospitality—even if it was out of pity—and departed for the tavern, where Erwin and the rest of his crew was waiting for him. 

Once he arrived, he slumped into a chair, exhaling out a loud and long sigh.

“You don’t look well, Corporal.” Petra mentioned, sidling up to him. “Is something the matter?”

“Perhaps, he is feeling under the weather?” Zacharias noted, turning from his seat at the table and downed his cup of beer. 

“Or,” A new voice entered the line of worrywarts. “He didn’t take my order seriously and worked himself to the bone.” 

Levi flopped an arm over his eyes, closing it while his mind wandered. “It is as you say. I am exhausted.” 

Petra reached and palmed Levi’s forehead, checking for fever and instead, received a flinch. “Sorry, did I startle you?”

“No,” Levi mumbled, and peeked one eye open. “My forehead is bruised.”

“Oh my, how did that happen?” 

“And so is his ego, I heard.” Erwin nodded, stifling a chuckle. Levi’s aura grew dark as the two soldiers peered at their superiors with puzzled looks. “News travel fast.”

If that was so, then Erwin would know that Hange had run off, without permission, to find an MIA assistant. If Erwin knew about that, he wasn’t saying anything…yet. Levi let out a low growl, his fist tightening as he jumped to his feet. “If you had sent her away as I asked, I wouldn’t have gone through so much trouble in which she has put me in!”

Erwin shook his head and signaled Petra to make Levi a cup of fresh, hot tea. Levi turned away, stomping his foot and dismissed Erwin’s courtesy call. 

“So, I’m assuming Zoe had a part in his tantrum?” Zacharias motioned with his hand as he downed another glass of beer. 

“Tantrum!” The short man sneered and the image of a certain scientist only made him madder. “More like fury.”

“Here,” Erwin announced, taking the tea cup from Petra and passed it to Levi, whom continued to ignore the alluring scent of his favorite tea in front of him. Turning to Petra, the young girl nodded in understanding and took a hold of her corporal’s arm, hoping to soothe his anger. 

“Levi, come and sit down. Take a sip of your tea, maybe it’ll soothe your taste.” Petra motioned towards his chair. And as he did so, he let out another scrawled out exhale. “Now…tell us what happened so we can help.”

.

.

.

**LEVI**  
Who does she think she is?  
That girl has tangled with the wrong man!

 **ERWIN**  
Maybe if you obliged her….?

 **LEVI**  
She can’t even take a hint!  
Disgusting! Dimwitted!  
Officially humiliated! (throws the cup of tea against the wall)  
Why can’t she just leave me alone?

 **ERWIN** (pour another cup of tea for Levi)  
Take the tea.

 **LEVI**  
What for? Nothing helps.  
I'm exhausted.

 **ERWIN**  
Oh, you’re just exaggerating!  
Levi, sit down, take the tea and pull yourself together.

 **ERWIN**  
Gosh it disturbs us to see you, Levi  
Looking so down in your chair  
Everyone here'd love to be you, Levi  
Even when counting our shares  
There's no man in Rose quite as cleaner as you  
Not even Hange can compare

 **PETRA**  
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you  
And it's not very hard to see why

 **ERWIN**  
No one's slick as Levi  
No one's quick as Levi  
No one can suit a cravat much like Levi's

 **PETRA**  
For there's no man in town half as stronger  
Just like bygones be bygones!

 **ERWIN**  
You can ask any Oluo or imitators

 **PETRA AND MIKE**  
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

 **ERWIN AND CHORUS**  
No one's neat like Levi  
Has clean teeth like Levi

 **MIKE**  
What more can you expect from our Corporal Levi?

 **LEVI**  
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

 **ERWIN AND CHORUS**  
My what a guy, that Levi!  
Though he’s shorter than most; and a soldier on post

 **ERWIN AND PETRA**  
Levi is the best  
And we give him our toasts

 **MIKE & CHORUS**  
No one fights like Levi  
Torture cons like Levi

 **ERWIN**  
In a bath nobody bathes carefully like Levi!  
(Levi: …Should I be surprise that you know this too well?)

 **PETRA**  
For there's no one as ruthless and sturdy

 **LEVI**  
Yes, I got scars from Titan affairs

 **ERWIN**  
Not a bit of you scraggly or scrawny

 **PETRA**  
OH MY!

 **LEVI**  
Cuz’ all of my missions start from mounting my mare  
(ERWIN: oh, that’d explains your strapping calves…)  
(LEVI: Okay, stop, you’re beginning to sound like Hange)

 **CHORUS**  
No one serves like Levi  
Stands Hange like Levi

 **ERWIN**  
In a killing match nobody kills like Levi

 **LEVI**  
I'm especially good at interrogating!  
Guilty!

 **CHORUS**  
Ten points for Levi!

 **LEVI**  
When I was a lad  
I was Hange for days  
Starved myself counting no baths  
And now that I'm grown  
I became germophobic  
So I'm always on those concordats!

 **CHORUS**  
…Fancy word, what’s that?  
No one shoots like Levi  
Swing on his gear like Levi

 **ERWIN**  
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Levi

 **LEVI**  
I run my soldiers in all of my ornamenting!

 **CHORUS**  
Say it again!  
Who’s the man among men  
Who’s a cynic, dwarf man with the gift of a handyman  
there’s just one guy in town who’s got all of it down.

 **ERWIN**  
And his name is L-E-V— Y? Though I believe it’s an I. But it won’t matter since nobody actually cares in this town!

 **CHORUS**  
LEVI!

.

TBC

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I hope this chapter didn’t disappoint! Perhaps, you noticed I made this chapter a bit longer than most, because well, I owe it to you guys for stalling this long before posting. Any who, leave a comment below and don’t be shy about your thoughts!


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